New Year's jokes are spoken as toasts or included in scripts for corporate parties or other events. They cheer up the holiday and help to meet it on a positive note. We offer you to learn jokes for the New Year 2024 to show off at the table with funny short stories. Most often, during a feast, they remember funny jokes about Santa Claus, the Snow Maiden and the Christmas tree. In our selection there are jokes about the future owner of the year, the Dragon.
Jokes about Santa Claus and Snow Maiden
You can collect a whole selection of jokes about the main characters of festive events. It is only desirable to tell them in such a way that children do not hear. No need to deprive them of faith in a fairy tale.
A four-year-old child asks his mother who Santa Claus is and does he really exist? Of course there is, the mother replies. He came to me 5 years ago, made a gift, and now I'm suffering with you.
On New Year's morning, a man returns from a corporate party and sees: a drunk woman is sitting in a puddle.
- What are you doing here, go home?
- But nowhere. I'm the Snow Maiden and melt.
Vovochka received the ordered car from Santa Claus. His parents say to him: “What should I say?” Answer: "Vodka on the kitchen table" .
What is the difference between Santa Claus and the American Santa Claus? The first lives with the Snow Maiden, the second lives with a deer.
- Wife, our son has grown up! When asked what he wants for the New Year, he asked to invite the Snow Maiden.
Our agency has the best New Year's heroes at the all-inclusive rate! Santa Claus gives gifts to children, and the Snow Maiden reads fairy tales until they fall asleep. Then the husband receives kisses from the Snow Maiden, and Grandfather beats his face.
I will no longer write letters to Santa Claus in December. He is greedy. He does not bring gifts, but gives those that were in his parents' closet.
About the Dragon
There are already jokes about the patron of 2024.
In the morning, after the New Year's Eve, the man returns home, and, under the city tree, unexpectedly meets the Dragon. And he thinks: “Wow! It's fortunate." The dragon was also delighted: “Hurrah! It's for dinner!"
- Why do we always repeat after the Chinese? So they came up with the year of the Dragon, and we meet it.
- Don't worry. We also have our own life hack since the morning of January 1 - dragon's breath.
A good and reliable recipe for happiness is to have an animal in the year of which you were born. And where should I look for the Dragon?
Tamada says:
- A special year has come to us. If you meet the holiday in such a way as to satisfy the gluttonous green lizard, then 365 days you will not need to think about anything bad.
- What does the Dragon love the most?
- Virgins and we alth.
- Then you should immediately tune in to the worst.
About gifts
Adults are no less happy with presents than children. Some choose them for a long time, others - according to a gift, try to evaluate the attitude towards themselves, others remember the stories associated with them:
I decided to please myself for the New Year. I bought everything white - a dress, underwear, stockings. I put it on. I decided that I would look like a Snow Maiden, or at least a snowflake. I looked in the mirror - this is SNOW DRIVE.
Today I received the best present for the New Year. The mother said, "Take the gift in the yellow box." He opened the closet, there is a bunch of green packages. Turns out I'm colorblind and won't be drafted into the army.
- Honey, what do you want for the holiday? One big gift or several small ones?
- Of course, many little ones.
- Then I'll give you walnuts.
" Dear Santa Claus! I live in the North, it's cold here. All the kids ride on the hill, but I have neither a fur coat, nor a hat, nor mittens, nor felt boots. Send me warm clothes. The postal workers read what the child was writing and were touched. They chipped in, bought the girl everything she asked for, only forgot her mittens. Read the second letter: “Thank you, Grandpa. Only the gloves did not come. They must have been taken out by the evil postmen.”
January jokes
Stories about how the holiday was celebrated start to be told to each other already on January 1st. But not everyone manages to remember how this day was spent. They remember old jokes and come up with new ones.
Every year in our family, parents hold a campaign - do not touch anything in the refrigerator, we will try it on New Year's Eve. And since January 1, the motto is different - eat more, otherwise everything will be lost.
- I decided to change myself and switch to a he althy lifestyle from January 1st. So in the morning - to the gym.
- But he doesn't work that day.
- Well, again, a bummer. Again there will be no time to play sports.
Sociologists are horrified. We conducted research on January 1, and more than half of the inhabitants are narrow-eyed! The Russians calmed them down - this is the worst day for research in this country.
Children, I'm dying! Bring me a glass of water!
Daddy, today is New Year's morning! Everyone dies.
Santa Claus dedicated January 1 to system administrators. They can eat in peace, drink champagne and forget about users for a day. Last year's dream came true!
My wife leaves for her shift in the morning. Leaves a note: “Happy Holidays! The brine is in the fridge, the fridge is in the kitchen.”
Celebration jokes
People say that how the holiday goes, so then the year will be. Therefore, there were so many jokes and humoresques about the feast and preparation for the New Year.
- Why are you at the table with your eyes closed?
- I swore to my wife that I would never look at vodka with one eye!
- Do you want to be in chocolate in 2024?
- Of course!
- Put unwrapped tiles under your pillow!
- Successfully exchanged gifts with my wife for the New Year 2024. Gave her a ticket to Hawaii.
- What is she to you?
- Flew away.
May. On the road, a traffic police officer stopped the car, which significantly exceeded the speed limit. He asks the man behind the wheel: Where are you in a hurry? Answer: “Home. I met the New Year, my wife is already worried. ”
Different jokes for the New Year 2024
Friends who are used to celebrating the holiday together, in a close company, will definitely remember how it was last year, discussing the meeting:
Hurrah! The New Year has come! You can forget old mistakes and make new ones.
- How good it was in Hawaii. Not bad in Dubai either - I went scuba diving there and congratulated the octopuses on the Year of the Rabbit.
- And you, friend, why are you silent?
- Yes, I was with you, but I didn’t drink after the coronavirus.
- Well, prices now. It's time to celebrate the Jewish New Year.
- How's that?
- In autumn. Christmas trees are cheap.
- How embarrassing. One went to Hawaii, the other went to the Bahamas. And we meet again in the kitchen.
- You can go too - down the hill on your ass.
- It is possible to complete the repair on December 31st. Get the grinder.
- You're crazy, they'll complain.
- This is the only time when no one will hear anything because of music and firecrackers.
Jokes make you laugh and think. They fill the protracted pauses in the conversation, trying to defuse the situation. With them, it becomes easier on the soul. If you prepare a selection for the New Year in advance, you won't be bored at the table.
