Despite the fact that there is a pandemic of the COVID-19 virus in the world, and many countries have declared forced self-isolation at home for their citizens, people do not lose their sense of humor and compose all sorts of jokes about the coronavirus. Of course, there is little fun in this situation, but you should never lose your sense of humor.
Jokes about coronavirus
Our people are all right with a sense of humor, as evidenced by various pictures, anecdotes, jokes about what is happening in the world due to the massive epidemic. In addition, sitting in quarantine at home can cheer up friends, colleagues and relatives who are far away.
It seems to me that if little green men arrive and give each one a lunar rover, I will not be surprised at all. For me, it will be just as commonplace as going out for a walk with someone else's dog, just to get some fresh air.
Experts say the coronavirus is spreading rapidly through banknotes. Now it is clear why there are so many cases of infection in Europe and the United States, and such wonderful statistics in Belarus.
Scientists in the course of experiments have found that the most dangerous spread of infection are young women. They urgently need to be isolated from their families (husbands and children should preferably be taken away). It is necessary to equip women with everything necessary to raise immunity: martinis (can be replaced with wine or other alcohol), sweets, exotic fruits, magazines, TV shows and unlimited Internet. Calls (by mobile phone, skype or any other) from relatives are strictly prohibited! Be sure to pass the information to all women, as potential carriers of the dangerous virus.
Grandfather and grandson are sitting on the bench, the grandson asks:
Grandpa, what happened in 2020?
Grandfather answers:
A terrible epidemic hit the world, people were dying like flies.
Grandson:
And what did you do in these terrible times?
Grandfather:
Sending funny pictures to friends.
Due to the epidemic and quarantine, gyms and fitness clubs will soon be closed. Nothing, let's live without sports. But the wine and vodka departments in the store should definitely not be closed!
The outbreak was good for my wife. Now she does not beg me for a trip to Europe in the summer, does not go shopping, walks with a closed mouth mask, is often silent, constantly cleans up with disinfectant and even learned to cook from having a lot of free time in quarantine.
"Mom, is this really a coronavirus vaccine?" “Exactly, exactly. If I sit with you for a month in quarantine, I will invent a pill for eternal life. "
What terrible times have come! We sit at home, cook homemade food, do the cleaning every day, communicate, come up with various activities for children. So it’s not far from reading books.
Prayers for coronavirus
Lord, give us the strength to survive the quarantine within the walls of our house! Give me endless supplies of buckwheat, toilet paper, unlimited internet. Let the attack leave as soon as possible so that we can go to our favorite job again, and the exchange rate will be the same. Amen!
I pray you, God, let the quarantine last longer, because so many films have not been revised yet. I have only one request to you: give me money so that you can buy buckwheat and vodka, because this is the best tool in the fight against the terrible virus. I also want to ask for enough masks and disinfectants so that I can sometimes go outside and breathe air.
Higher powers, I beg you, give me the strength to withstand the quarantine within four walls with my husband and children. Give me peace of mind, peace of mind, hold me back when I break down at the sight of a spilled compote and scattered toys with socks.I ask you for a large supply of food and money to constantly replenish them, because sitting at home, I constantly want to eat. But at the same time, help me not to get fat so that after quarantine I can fit into my favorite jeans.
God, give people peace and brains. They already have annual stocks of pasta, cereals, stewed meat and toilet paper.
Coronavirus suit
Another couple of weeks of quarantine at home in front of the TV, hugging a box of pizza, and the mask size will have to be changed.
Doctors say that wearing a mask and gloves is enough to protect against coronavirus. I arrived at the store today and realized that you cannot trust the health workers. All visitors were wearing clothes!
At work, everyone was given a special suit for coronavirus. We were sent to a paid quarantine, the card received an annual salary. Supplied with fruits, vitamins, huge packages of masks and disinfectants. And then the alarm went off.
Funny "The first victim of the coronavirus"
In the Soviet Union, such an epidemic would definitely not have happened. Since everyone who traveled abroad would fit in a small regional hospital.
The first victim of the CORONavirus was Sergey Zverev with a crown on his head.
And not only Zverev:
Who was the first victim of the coronavirus? A man on whom a heavy closet with a year's supply of cereals, pasta, butter and flour fell.
Toilet paper jokes
No one can name the exact reason why people began to buy toilet paper in packages during the epidemic. But there are a lot of jokes about this:
Toiletry took the leading position in the securities market.
Please do not call emergency services when you run out of toilet paper.
People are optimistic: they buy up toilet paper in such quantities as if they are sure that they will not run out of food supplies for the rest of their lives.
A lonely man with a large supply of toilet paper and buckwheat will urgently get acquainted with an unmarried woman without children, but with a year's supply of oil and pasta.
Buckwheat jokes
The weather forecast for tomorrow. In Moscow and all other Russian cities, there will be a terrible blizzard: everyone will take revenge on buckwheat and other products from store counters.
A problem for children who stay at home and study remotely. Calculate how much you need a kilogram of buckwheat if you have 10 packs of toilet paper at home.
I decided to go to the store for a cola for cocktails. Everyone in the line looked at me like I was a fool, because everyone's carts were full of buckwheat and toilet paper. It became so uncomfortable …
Jokes about Belarus
As you know, Belarus did not close its borders, no official quarantine was announced here, schools, kindergartens, institutions continue to function as usual. The Belarusian people do not lose their optimism and sense of humor even in such a difficult situation.
Coronavirus is all bullshit
All relatives are afraid of him.
And I will give a worthy rebuff,
In the morning I bang 200 grams.
Then I'll go to play hockey,
Friends to ride a tractor.
After all, I do not suffer from blindness,
But I don't see a virus.
Will you show it to me,
Nothing is visible anywhere.
So I'm not afraid
I'll probably go get drunk.
As long as there are potatoes in the house,
Let's hold on guys!
The coronavirus will forget us
And it will get out where it is necessary.
We'll pour a hundred grams soon
And we will all go to the parade.
Short jokes and social media statuses
Friends, we have an excellent opportunity to save humanity without getting up from the couch, with a glass of vodka in our hands.
Where to go on summer vacation: on the balcony or on the sofa?
Quarantine is fun. Now I know that in one pack of buckwheat there are 3220 grains, and in the second - 2999.
Quarantine is like New Year's: lying around at home, watching TV. Only Olivier is not.
Status on the man's page: "Coronavirus is transmitted through iPhones, jewelry and flowers."
After two weeks of quarantine, virologists will go on a well-deserved rest, and narcologists will join the fight.
Jokes about coronavirus
Semochka, if you are still going to marry your Raechka, the wedding must be played immediately, while the quarantine is still announced.There will be no need to spend money on numerous guests.
"God, what a horror!" - said Stephen King, reading the news about the virus on the Internet. And turned off the computer.
The coronavirus came from China to Russia. "Show me your best doctors, we will fight them for life and death!" Malyshev is shown to him. "Come on, I'm back to China."
"Zilber, when do you think the coronavirus epidemic will end?" "As soon as there are announcements about the sale of a large amount of buckwheat and toilet paper, the crisis is over."
The Ministry of Health strongly recommends maintaining a distance of 1.5-2 m between people, refraining from hugging and kissing. In principle, nothing will change in married couples.
The traffic police officer stopped the driver. "What does it smell like from you?" "It smells like coronavirus prevention."
Two viruses met. One says dreamily: "Yesterday I put such a stunned beauty to bed!" The second, sighing: "I'm so unlucky, some 80-year-olds come across."
It’s a shame: you’re coming from Italy, carrying the coronavirus, but still made in China.
“Rabinovich, why are you shopping and not washing your hands? Where is your mask? Aren't you afraid of the coronavirus? " “Izya, I am 80 years old, I suffer from prostatitis, psoriasis, I have interruptions in the work of my heart, diabetes mellitus. If the virus gets into my body, it will still have to fight for the right to finish me off. "
The most effective means of fighting COVID-19 is any alcohol. Take 200 g 3 times a day, and after 2 weeks of treatment, the coronavirus can be seen with the naked eye. And here sneakers and a fly swatter come into play.
Anecdote about Zhirinovsky and the coronavirus:
V. Zhirinovsky comes home and says to his wife: "Pour me some vodka, we need prophylaxis against the virus." Wife: “You just criticized the President of Belarus, who said that vodka and a bathhouse are the best means in the fight against the epidemic.” Zhirinovsky: “You never know what I said. Lukashenka is a smart man, if he says that. " Wife: "So, according to Russian tradition, 100 g of vodka is drunk after a bath." Zhirinovsky: "This is according to the Russian tradition, but I want according to the Jewish one: 100 g before the bath, and 100 g after it."
Hilarious joke from doctors:
If you bought 200 packs of toilet paper for a week of quarantine, you probably should have seen a doctor long before the global pandemic.
Funny pictures about coronavirus
A huge number of memes on the topic of the virus and quarantine have appeared on the network. Pictures with captions and simple comic photos can make you laugh to tears.
Taxi drivers prepared for work during quarantine:
Everyone wore costumes from coronavirus:
How to survive in one apartment during quarantine:
Funny videos
Cool memes about coronavirus:
Popular jokes about the Covid-19 virus:
Song about coronavirus:
The global pandemic is, of course, a serious test for all of humanity. Until the coronavirus vaccines were invented, people are saving themselves with cold weapons - an excellent sense of humor. Never lose your composure, stay calm and positive, follow the simple rules of personal hygiene that doctors talk about many times. Be healthy!
