Great New Year's jokes can add to the festive mood in the New Year. After all, this is the time when everyone in the bustle and bustle is preparing for the evening in order to celebrate this wonderful holiday as best as possible. The following are very funny anecdotes, in some of them, without any doubt, each person recognizes himself. And this makes them funny in a special way.
A man is driving along the highway, greatly exceeding the speed. He was stopped by a traffic police post. The guard officer asks:
- Where are we in a hurry, citizen?
- I really need to go to my wife, we celebrated the New Year with my comrades for a long time, I'm afraid, I'm tired of waiting, will swear.
- So, citizen, why are you kidding me? The end of spring is in the yard, what else is New Year? Did you accidentally drink alcohol?
- No, comrade policeman, that's why I'm in a hurry because the end of spring is already.
Once two students were walking on the street near the hostel. They saw a bag of sausages and sausages hanging on the second floor. The hungry students decided to steal the package. One is on the nimble, the second climbed up. The policeman, noticing these two young people, approached the first one and asked:
- What are you citizens doing here?
And a student to him:
- Yes, they decided to hang gif.webpts for the New Year.
- So before the new year even more than 6 months.
Then the young man shouted to his friend:
- Hey, Petya, take it off, come on! As I said, the New Year does not happen in summer, but in winter.
It's springtime, in prison one prisoner says to another:
- Well, Stepan, Happy New Year, accept my congratulations.
- Have you completely lost your mind? May is the month on the street, what a New Year.
- Yes, I know, just from the interrogation room. So, you plus one more year to sit here.
The deputies invited a psychic with a Ouija board to their festive corporate party. We decided to ask her about the best time to pass laws undesirable to the people. The board answered: "It is better not to carry out such reforms, so as not to anger citizens."
Well, the entire State Duma laughed heartily, decided to clarify who gave such an answer, maybe Stalin, Lenin or Marx. This was followed by a quick reply: "Nicholas 2, Charles 1, Louis 16."
For each New Year, I usually received similar congratulations and wishes, no one was particularly eager to do something creative and special. Well, I decided to be original this year. I wrote a very warm, good-natured letter to a good friend and sent it. I liked it so much that I sent it to all my friends and acquaintances. Imagine my surprise when my own letter as a greeting card came to me myself, and from several people.
The doorbell rings. A little girl, in joy, runs up to the door, and there is Santa Claus. Child:
- Hello, good De …
- Quiet, child, quieter, bring the corkscrew to grandfather faster.
Two friends meet on the evening of January 1:
- How did you celebrate the holiday, Vasya?
- How how? As gif.webpts …
- What does it mean?
- I spent the whole holiday under the New Year tree.
There are only a few minutes left before the New Year. Three family members are sitting at the table, watching TV. And here is the announcement: "Now you will hear the New Year's address of the President of the Russian Federation!"
Then the child turns to his parents and asks: "Who should our president turn to?"
A poor family in the village makes routine preparations for the New Year: children sit, watch cartoons, their mother prepares different dishes. Then the father takes the gun and goes out into the street. After a while, two shots were heard. The head of the family returns with the words: "Accidentally hit Santa Claus while shooting into the sky in honor of the holiday, so there is no need to wait for gif.webpts."
Two friends are talking:
- Mitya, what are your plans for celebrating the New Year?
- Oh, I have grandiose plans, all the time is scheduled by the minute, every second will be filled with fun and happiness, all preparations are in full swing.
- Get drunk, huh?
- Yeah …
- Sema, what New Year's gif.webpt did you make to your girlfriend?
- I gave a trip to the Maldives.
- Yes, not weak, but what did she give you?
“She accepted my gif.webpt and flew away.
The girl shouts to her mother in the kitchen:
- Mom, come quickly here, the tree is on fire.
- Daughter, did not light up, but shone.
- Mom, come quickly here, the sofa is already shining!
On the morning of January 1, a drunk man asks a passerby:
- My dear, can you tell me how to get to the station?
- You need to go straight to the end of the street.
- Well, apparently, I will not get there.
At the festive table, the wife accidentally drops a spoon from the table. The head of the family reacted quickly to this, catching the cutlery a few centimeters from the floor with the words: "Well, thank God, no guests can be expected anymore." Then the son comes in and says: "Dad, there Uncle Semyon got stuck in the elevator, he can't get out."
New Years Eve Conversation:
- Oh-oh, I feel very bad, it seems that I will die soon …
- Well, of course, you stuffed almost all the tangerines into yourself …
- How is it almost everything? Remained somewhere else?
There are a couple of days left until the end of this year. Promises "to lose weight by 5 kg by the New Year" can be safely rephrased "by the New Year, it remains to lose 10 kg."
- I don't understand at all why the New Year is considered almost the most important and joyful holiday?
- This is because everyone is very happy that we managed to survive the next year.
- Are my wife's mother and New Year very similar?
- How can a person and a holiday be like?
- They do not care whether you wait for them or not, in any case, they will screw up.
If on New Year's TV show "Blue Light", filmed back in the 90s, hardly anyone will notice. Well, maybe they will be a little surprised that Rotaru has aged a little since last year.
Everyone is interested in the question of why holidays have been allocated for the New Year holidays, and the New Year holidays have not yet been introduced.
- What's your favorite day of the year?
- 1st of January.
- Why? Because the holiday mood and the holidays?
- Not. This is because January 1st does not exist, after December 31st comes January 2nd.
On New Year's holidays, you can watch someone else's fireworks, thereby saving a lot of money. The crisis after all.
Two colleagues after the New Year holidays:
- For this New Year, I put holiday gif.webpts under the tree for my wife, as expected.
- And How? She liked it?
- So she has not even found it yet, the forest is rather big.
Conversation of two drunk men:
- Vasek, why the hell did you pull Santa Claus by the beard?
- I wanted to show that she is not real, I do not like it when our little children are deceived.
- And what, tore it off?
- Yes, it was not artificial, as it turned out.
The family has two children. One of them looks at things pessimistic, the second is always optimistic. Parents wanted every child to be happy and happy to receive their New Year's gif.webpts, which is why they decided to buy a beautiful horse for the pessimist, and brought horse manure to the optimist.
When the children were shown their gif.webpts, the reaction of the first was as follows: "Fuu, what a disgusting horse, ugly color, plastic, and I wanted a beautiful white live horse." The optimist said: "Hurray, but I just have a real horse, I just ran away, I guess."
With each New Year, I gradually give up festive dishes and fruits. One must understand someday why it is so bad on the morning of January 1st.
- Aren't you all ashamed, huh? On New Year's Eve, there is always an opportunity to improve, change something, change your life for the better. And you are swelling again.
- Styopa, but you hesitated, who is to blame that the doctors forbade you to drink?
- Well, do you already know where you will celebrate the New Year?
- No, I haven't found a place yet.
- Seriously? You will again go out like the last sucker at home, look faster.
- Well, Mom, maybe that's enough.
Conversation between wife and husband:
- Darling, finally threw away our Christmas tree?
- Yes.
- That's good, and now get ready, let's go buy a new one.
- Why is that?
- New Year's because in a week.
The main disappointment for me in life was when my wife said to put children's New Year's gif.webpts under the tree.After all, then I realized that Santa Claus does not exist in the world.
Son's conversation with parents:
- Do you know which car gets to its destination the slowest?
- What, son?
- The one you promised me for the New Year three years ago.
Two days before the New Year holidays, the parents took their son to his grandmother in the village. The little child was tired and immediately fell asleep. In the morning he woke up in a bad mood, and began to be very capricious. Then the grandmother says: “If you behave well, Santa Claus will bring you an excavator. To which the granddaughter answered her happily: "How cool, now I will have as many as 2 of them." "Why is it two?" - the grandmother was surprised. And her grandson: "I found another one behind your sofa while I was playing!"
A conversation between two friends after the New Year:
- Hi, Sveta, how did you celebrate the holiday?
- Hi, yes, as always, I didn't get out of bed …
- Were there a lot of people?
- Checkmark, and what would you like to get for the New Year most of all: a ticket to Milan or a new fur coat.
- A voucher, of course. I heard that fur coats in Milan are not as expensive as ours.
If on the morning of January 1, you cannot remember what year it is, then the celebration went as it should.
“As if, if the New Year is not celebrated, it will be lost, and we will all stay in the old year,” thought a drunken man at the entrance.
New Year's riddle for the director:
Can I call myself Santa Claus if I am in command of 6 reindeer?
- What do you think about the New Year?
- We thought it over carefully - let him come, we will not interfere.
Conversation between daughter and parents:
- Santa Claus is very bad and harmful!
- Daughter, don't say that. How did you decide this?
- And from the fact that he stole my mother's doll from under the bed and put it under the tree, as if it were from him.
A conversation between friends on the eve of the New Year on the phone:
- Hi, buddy, how are you doing there in general?
- What's the matter?
- To celebrate the awful New Year in such cold weather.
- So not bad, minus 20 degrees just something.
- Yes? I saw the forecast, it said about 60 degrees below zero.
- Well, yes, only it's on the street, after all, it's not scary.
Pattern:
From year to year, the New Year's promise to "change your life for the better" is repeated.
