Jokes about the New Year 2022 will help to cheer up all the guests at the New Year's feast. Jokes are one of the most enjoyable parts of any holiday, and the New Year is no exception.
Having told a funny anecdote, you can immediately become the soul of the company, so quickly read a selection of fresh New Year's jokes.
Jokes for the New Year 2022 about the Tiger
2022 will be the year of the Black Water Tiger. Of course, jokes involving tigers will be in demand.
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A little boy walks into a children's toy store. He takes a banknote out of his pocket and hands it to the saleswoman:
- I have that tiger.
She looks at the bill, then at the boy and says:
- But this is toy money from Monopoly …
“Yeah,” the boy agrees. - But the tiger is a plush, not a real one!
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The boy approaches his father:
- Daddy, let's go to the circus!
- Sonny, dad has no time, very busy.
- Dad, and the guys said there is an aunt without clothes riding a big tiger.
- Hmm … wow, okay, let's go, I haven't seen tigers for a long time … - Dad agrees.
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A tiger has come to a newfangled vegetarian establishment. A waiter approaches his table and politely says:
- Sir, I'm sorry, but we do not serve meat dishes.
“It's okay, I'm a vegetarian,” the tiger soothes him.
He studies the menu and orders the most expensive dishes. When the waiter brings the bill, the tiger swallows the bill, and then the waiter and quickly runs away. The visitors are shocked, they don't know what to do. In the corner, someone says:
“Don’t worry, he’s 100% vegetarian.” But he has no money, stranded all the time, poor fellow!
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One friend tells the other:
- Yesterday on the channel about animals I watched how the tiger tracked down a gazelle, chased it, caught it and ate it.
- How many people were in the Gazelle?
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If suddenly you find yourself in the taiga, then shout louder. So you will not let the Ussuri tiger die of hunger.
New Year's jokes 2022 with family
If you spend the holidays with a family, then you need equally funny New Year's jokes for both children and adults. Children's jokes are short and don't really read in our selection.
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On the eve of the holiday, everyone is busy. Dad vacuums, mom cuts salad, sister washes the dishes. After taking a break, the girl looks into the room, where her brother lies calmly on the couch and watches cartoons:
- Why are you lying here?
- So the harm is less, - the brother replies.
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On the eve of the celebration, father and son indulge and laugh loudly. Mother can't stand:
- Get down to business, stop laughing like fools!
Dad:
- I'm not laughing.
Son:
- I'm not a fool!
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Mom talks to her son:
- From the first day I go on a diet and quit eating sweets, dad decided to quit smoking. And you?
- Well, I'm ready to drop out of school …
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Dad presented his daughter with a toy camera for the holiday.
- And how to zoom in and out on it? - the girl is interested.
- Step forward, step back!
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Pope Carlo asks Pinocchio:
- Son, are you somehow not particularly pleased with the present? You asked for a pet …
- But I dreamed of a dog.
- It is not always possible to get what you want.
- I am embarrassed that the beaver is looking at me so strangely …
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The daughter is talking to her mother.
- Mom, what would you like to receive as a present from dad for the holiday?
- Well, I would like a mink coat. But I'm afraid it won't work. Times are tough now …
- Try to fall to the floor, kick your legs, cry and scream.
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Now children do not want Santa Claus to come, but that their parents leave the house somewhere.
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January 1 is a unique day when the whole day is one continuous morning.
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- Dad, how is New Year's Eve?
- This, son, when dinner turns into breakfast.
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While the father was setting up the tree, the son learned many new words.
Funny jokes for the New Year 2022
Jokes in pictures about the holiday:
Jokes about a merry meeting of the New Year 2022
For a corporate party, you should prepare a couple of funny anecdotes, fresh and cool anecdotes will be appropriate at any corporate party.
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New Year's holidays are a magical time: everything comes true, even that which had never been sold before.
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I appreciate New Year's days for the feeling of immense spaciousness that appears in March, when I finally took the tree out to the trash can.
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- In our country, the most extreme month is January.
- Why?
- Well, judge for yourself, some holidays. First New Year, then Christmas, then Old New Year.
- Old New Year?
- This is a control one, straight into the liver.
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A man is walking down the street, looking, and a woman is sitting in a puddle. He comes closer and asks:
- Why are you in a puddle?
- And I Snegurochka … melted …
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On holidays, all sorts of promotions and discounts are everywhere. And only in a taxi everything is fair: it was 100, now it is 200.
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Why is it still New Year? I've met so many of these before. And no good, it always ends with a hangover.
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With age, the attitude towards the holiday changes.
Child: When is the New Year ?! Hurry!
Adult: New Year is coming soon.
Pensioner: What? New Year again?
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- New Year is like a cold.
- Why?
- In a week it passes by itself.
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Vegan and a convinced teetotaler did not understand why no one came to his celebration.
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New Year's Eve is coming soon. I doubt that this will change anything, but if we drink it, it’s a joy.
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- I dreamed about the salad. I wonder what it would be for. Do you think salad in a dream is good?
- I think it's definitely better than the other way around.
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I have a million depressing thoughts in my head about the decay of life and the futility of existence, but I do not touch them, I save for the holidays.
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I was in a children's store, I saw the prices. I'm thinking about telling the children that Santa Claus is dead.
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Invite me to someone for the New Year! I am not capricious at all: I eat what they give, drink what they pour, sleep, with whom they put it …
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I wonder if I can consider myself Santa Claus if ten reindeer work for me?
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For the fourth time I buy alcohol for the New Year. Why does the booze end, but the New Year still does not ?!
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- Darling, there is little time left before the New Year. It's time to get rid of old unnecessary junk.
- I'm not going anywhere!
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- What are your plans for New Year's Eve?
- Nothing special … I'll clean up and cook first. Then we will eat and rubbish.
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It's probably time to take stock of the year. I can safely say: I think that the year was successful: I did not get married and did not take out a loan.
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When there is nothing to do on New Year's holidays:
- Take the water gun.
- Pour a strong alcoholic drink into it.
- Shoot yourself in the mouth. Repeat five times.
Funny post-New Year jokes
If the New Year has passed, this does not mean that the jokes are no longer relevant. The best post-New Year jokes in our selection.
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Does January 1 exist? No matter how I wake up, it's always already on January 2.
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- How was your New Year?
- I don’t know yet, they haven’t told me yet.
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In January, the most efficient employee of the month is by far the liver.
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January 1 and 2 are the only days of the year when everyone is happy to eat last year's food.
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One guy with a hangover complains to the second:
“Listen, don’t think anything, I’m not a supporter of drunkenness … I’m a victim …
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- Dad, what did you think of on New Year's Eve?
- Be more successful.
- So you want to lie more successfully on the couch in front of the TV?
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On the last day of the year, I want to start a new life from the first day. And on the first day it is difficult even to continue the old one.
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- How was New Year's Eve?
- Met the New Year as a gif.webpt.
- What is it like?
- I was lying under the tree …
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New Year's Eve was fun, if the next day they point the finger at you and call you "the dude from YouTube."
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The best TV channels understand that the only way they can help adults on January 1 is to show cartoons all day.
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Only in our country is a billboard "Happy Holidays!" can hang for a whole year.
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It was the second week of the new year. Parents began to borrow money from their children …
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Dear Santa Claus, I have been good for a whole year. Let not whole, but almost whole. Sometimes, to be precise. And to be absolutely precise, then a couple of times … Okay, I'll buy everything myself …
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- What did you think of on New Year's Eve?
- Six months vacation twice a year.
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If you want to save money for the New Year, then tell the children that Santa Claus did not comply with the quarantine rules and died from the coronavirus.
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If you are unhappy with how New Year's Eve went, then think about the fact that Olga Buzova sang at someone's corporate party.
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For tangerines, New Years are associated with the smell of total genocide.
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So, the third month of the year has already begun. I am beginning to suspect that they did not want money and happiness from the heart.
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December 31: next year I will definitely lose 10 kilograms by March 8.
January 8: * 13 kilograms …
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Friends presented a telescopic telescopic tube for the New Year. A huge one, black, with a leather strap. He's handsome and elegant, but why ?! I am not an engineer or an architect, I do not draw anything on Whatman paper. In general, there are no Whatman and canvases, but there is a tube. Why go for baguettes with him?
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The most common threat on the morning of the first day:
- Now how to take a picture!
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January 1 should be designated in the calendar not as a red day, but as a blue one.
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Number one: I haven't had breakfast yet, but it's already dark.
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New Year's promises to yourself:
- 2016: lose 5 kg.
- 2017: lose weight by 8 kg.
- 2018: lose 10 kg.
- 2019: lose weight by 13 kg.
- 2020: lose 15 kg.
- 2021: lose 20 kg.
- 2022: Start fighting the beauty standards imposed by a capitalist and oppressive society.
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"Quiet" on the first number is when you hear the neighbor's phone vibrating.
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- How to properly spend New Year's Eve?
- This is when I woke up and was unable to remember what year came …
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New Year's holidays are like a marathon. It is not enough to be ready for the start, you need to properly distribute the forces over the entire distance. Jokes about the New Year 2022 will not leave anyone without a smile. Have a fun, joyful and carefree celebration so that the whole year will be the same.
